Is Your Partner Unsupportive? Or Are You? (Must Read)

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There was a thought in my mind a few years ago when I dated a guy, military guy, and I revealed to him that I’d like to sit down at a computer and write my first book. Detailing to him how I wanted to base the paperback on my life, he chuckled and left the sofa for the bathroom. Unsure if he thought the idea had been too vain or even impossible – certainly I was serious.  I felt it would be possible and ultimately after a few other negative situations, I made my exit from the relationship. However, that one moment made me feel slightly insecure. Did it stop me? No. I published April of 2015. Did it delay my creative process and flow?

Yes!  Allow me to give you some insight:

Somehow, folks are amazed and attracted by the opportunity to build a relationship with someone so complex, as most creative types are. Creativity requires movement and change and oftentimes outsiders will feel left out. Having a relationship with an artist or a creative person might seem exciting at first, but there are challenges unseen until the relationship starts to get tighter.

Now, before we talk more about these challenges and arguments, it is important to know that individuals feeling “unsupported” should look at themselves first:

1. Are you supportive yourself?
2. Are you kind to your partner?
3. Do you coach your partner or push them to make plans?
4. Do you come off as a leader or a team player?

If you are supportive, bravo! That means you are giving exactly what you desire in return. If you are kind to you partner, then, of course, your need for support should be met. Considering you push your partner to accomplish their goals, you definitely deserve to be recognized and supported in return. Lastly, if you are willing to stand side-by-side instead of calling the shots, your partner should totally be supportive; as the support provided applies to the team (both of you), and not just one individual.

It only takes one person to shift the dynamics in a relationship! 

If you do those things and you aren’t being supported in return, we may have a slight problem. Now that you’ve looked at yourself, you may look at your partner for some answers. This doesn’t mean approach them with an argument. This simply means to be a little more proactive with regard to expressing what it is that you want:

1. Be clear and ASK for their support.
2. Make your own support system.

Literally, that’s it! But if your situation is a little more complicated than simply expressing how you feel to get results, then you should consider asking yourself 1 or 2 other things:

1.  Am I making my partner solely responsible for my happiness?
2. Do we need therapy? ( yes, this is really option #2, unfortunately)

Bottom line! There is no way you can have a healthy relationship when you rely on the other person to SOLEY sponsor your happiness. Furthermore, you certainly can’t make a person do something they aren’t ready to do. If you accomplish that through arguing somehow, be prepared to have that thrown in your face later down the line. People don’t like being forced to feel or act in a certain manner.

FOUR FINAL TIPS:

– Don’t make your partner solely responsible for your happiness

– Build a network of support outside of your relationship; packed with people who think like you

– Continue to support your partner throughout. The good you do is needed regardless

– If all else fails, be firm. Know when enough is enough……